school

In about two months I will be done with school. Although I am thoroughly excited that all the essays, homework, deadlines, and kissing up to professors will be over, I know I will dearly miss the learning.

At the beginning of this school year, I decided that I would not move onto to the phD program that I had been pursuing for a while. The extreme competition between professors, the stress of constant publishing, or becoming an expert on something 99% of the world doesn't care about were just a few of things that began to irk me about the academic world. But most importantly, I realized that because many professors are under the stress of constantly outdoing one another, they have to continually study and read. Thus, they become recluses and socially awkward people. They lose touch with everyday people and most everything they believe in are theories cut off from the actual realities of the world. As much as I enjoy learning, I don't think it is worth it for me to forego my social-butterflyesque and outgoing personality.

With all that to say, I'm facing real life and trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up for the second time. Some days I feel stressed out about it; other days, I am carefree. In any case, I realize that I naturally want to have full control over my life or at least feel as though I am. Looking at all this from a distance however, I also realize that the most awesome things that have happened in my life were seemingly accidental and altogether out of my control. Somehow, this paradox in my life works to keep me sane and for the most part content. Perhaps it brings balance into my life so that I don't fully rely on my achievement for a sense of security and value, nor do I just lounge around for things to happen to me rather than working hard for things.